Twelve Days

Hey there world, it’s Emma.

I’ll be entirely honest and admit that, having never kept a blog before, this entire process feels a bit unnatural. Ironic, considering how much I like to talk in real life. I suppose it’s bizarre for me to look at my own thoughts written on the internet for all to see, rather than them merely being spoken to a friend and confidante. It’s an eerie, out-of-body experience. Though I doubt that many people will ever find this little blog, I will make a series of statements,proactive apologies, and disclaimers that I will endeavor to hold true, for the sake of my readers, should there be any.

  1. Knowing fully well that I have a tendency to be long-winded, especially in my writing, I’ll work to keep things as concise as possible. Be warned that the vast majority of my entries will be coming out as a stream of consciousness. This is, after all, a blog about my personal experiences and thoughts and not a series of academic papers: I did enough of those in college, thank you very much.
  2. I will do my best to keep my posts as grammatically correct as possible, though I apologize ahead of time for any breaches of the English language I might make.
  3. All beliefs, reflections, and statements made by myself are not a reflection of values held by the Peace Corps, unless otherwise stated.
  4. For the sake of authenticity, I will try to remain as candid as humanely possible. So be prepared for a few emotional posts… Because they will likely happen.

As my departure date looms closer, I find myself wrangling with a complex series of emotions; I’m not nearly as nervous as I was a few months ago, but there are parts of me that still feel on edge. I worry about what I’ll miss once I’m gone, what will happen to my relationships back home once I’m on the other side of the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely excited and I’ve never been so sure about wanting to do something in my life… But with any big step in life, the jitters always seem to kick in. Only natural, right?

The Peace Corps does do an amazing job in helping you prepare for departure, I’ll give them that, but it’s difficult to gauge your own level of emotional preparedness. As of this moment I believe myself capable of handling the hurdles ahead, but I also wonder how much of that is hubris. There is, at least in my opinion, no way to truly know until you get there. To say that you have no fears or concerns about two years of service (or even a case of the nerves) would be a lie. Or you’re crazy. At least that’s my take.

Like many other people, I have a guilty habit of listening to one song on repeat that relates to a current phase of my life. Right now, that song is “How Far I’ll Go” by Alessia Cara. “Ew, from that animated movie, Moana?” Judge me all you like, but it gets me pumped up for the change ahead and speaks to a lot of the emotions/thoughts I’m going through currently. Shout out to my boyfriend, Seamus, who has had to endure me playing that song on repeat during long car rides. How on earth that guy puts up with me, I’ll never know. That being said, this is all I have to say. For now.

I need to think of a catchy phrase to put here… So, you stay classy San Diego.

Emma

 

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